


When You Can't

by RLCinderella



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Platonic Moxiety, self deprication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 07:12:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15407745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RLCinderella/pseuds/RLCinderella
Summary: Sometimes Virgil just has one of those days.





	When You Can't

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a short drabble I wrote a while ago.

Virgil sat, his fists clenched, as the others discussed the outline for the new video. It was one of _those_ days, where no matter how he tried to redirect his thinking or how many cognitive distortions he identified and attempted to resolve, the self-deprecating thoughts and worries continued to hound him relentlessly. 

So he sat, occasionally commenting, but mostly keeping to himself and his thoughts, his nails digging into his palms, trapped there by the tension that refused to let him loosen his grip.

_What if Thomas’ viewers don’t like this new idea? What if they can’t pull it off? No, don’t think like that, don’t say it, don’t bring the group down. Try to express a concern. He should have worded it differently. It still came off to harsh, he’s just making things more difficult. The others are probably so frustrated with him. Can’t he go one meeting without bringing up some pointless worry that makes them waste time reassuring him? Maybe he should leave them be. He wouldn’t duck out, of course. That was bad. But he didn’t really belong, he couldn’t belong. He just brought them down. He could just stay in his room until he was absolutely needed. But then they would worry. Or Patton would, at least. He didn’t want to make Patton worry. He just hurt his family no matter what he did. Why was he such a—_

“All right,” Thomas said. “I think we got it. Thanks guys.”

Good. They were done. He could retreat to his room until he got over himself and he could interact with the others without being such a burden. _When are you not a burden?_ No, he couldn’t think like that.

He gave a quick sign off to Thomas and ducked back into his room, his hands still clenched. There were going to be some deep grooves in his palms once he finally found it in himself to unclench his fists, but that was no big deal. It wasn’t as if his nails ever broke the skin, although sometimes he wondered if some day he would dig them in so hard and for so long that he actually managed to draw blood.

A gentle whoosh signaled one of the other sides’ entrance. He jerked his head up to see Patton, smile as wide as ever, but Virgil could see the hidden sadness behind it. Oh no, had he said or done something to hurt Patton’s feelings? Of course, no matter what he did he always—

“Hey kiddo,” Patton said as he walked over to Virgil. “How’re you doing?”

Virgil looked down. “M’fine.”

He started when he felt Patton’s hands on his own. He looked up as Patton gently opened up Virgil’s hands and, with eyes bright from unshed tears, rubbed his thumb over the grooves left behind by Virgil’s nails.

“Oh, kiddo.”

“It’s nothing,” Virgil said, trying to reassure Patton. “They’ll go away soon.”

“But they’re there now,” Patton whispered. 

He pulled Virgil into a hug. Virgil stiffened at first, but then allowed himself to relax into Patton’s hold, holding back the tears that were starting to well up.

“I love you so much, kiddo,” Patton said. “And it makes me so sad that you don’t love yourself.”

“There’s not much to love,” Virgil muttered.

Patton’s arms tightened around Virgil. “No,” he said fiercely. “Don’t say that. There is so much to love.” He pulled back and smiled softly at Virgil. “I just wish you could see it.”

Virgil ducked his head. “Patton, I—”

“It’s okay, kiddo,” Patton said, cutting him off. “I know it will take time and sometimes you have bad days. Just, let me love you when you can’t.”

Virgil sucked in a breath. “I’ll try.” Anything for Patton.

Patton’s smile brightened. “Great! Now, I vote we watch Disney movies and eat snacks out in the living room. Nothing like a movie marathon when you’re having a bad day. Whadya say?”

Virgil smiled for the first time that day. “Sounds good, Dad.”


End file.
